why energy/self-esteem lowers on the spiritual journey

Your level of consciousness is the payoff of your predominant way of being.

Your level of consciousness is the payoff of your predominant way of being.

In the 100s, including fear, desire, anger and pride, the payoffs are energy boosting, so they are attractions. If fear is hard to understand as an attraction, consider the mass appeal of security theater, ongoing, reactionary measures which have been shown to either have no impact on safety or the "benefits are so minimal it is not worth the cost." In fear, people are energized to take irrational action, e.g. hording toilet paper at the announcement of a novel respiratory virus.

Under 100, including shame, guilt, apathy and grief, the payoffs are energy depleting, so they are aversions. As such, they tend to be disowned and projected as by blame (30-50 MoC), bearing false witness (60 TvF), hate (70 TvF), slander (75 TvF), and demonizing (80 TvF). Thus shedding energy-depleting aversions, the under 100 person experiences higher levels of energy and self-esteem than would be possible with the self-honesty and personal responsibility of owning their flaws and errors.

A major difficulty of going over 200 is an actual, experiential sacrifice of self-esteem and an energy loss as one owns their errors, which entails refusing to blame, lie, hold a grudge (70 TvF) or malign others. By refusing to project one's karmic negativity onto an externality, or by acknowledging "there is nothing outside of me," one is in a position to cancel it or process it out of their aura.

However, until the spiritual process is complete, one's experiential self-esteem/energy is likely to be lower than when disowning responsibility. Energy loss is anathema to the ego, and lowered self-esteem is perceived (incorrectly) to be a move in the wrong direction, i.e. my energy is lower, so I must be doing something wrong.

No, you've simply become aware of an energy block to be regarded as an illusion and canceled. By the consequence of "owning your sh*t", self-esteem/energy lowers to a level without the energy manipulation of assigning one's personal, karmic demerits to others. Due to lowered energy/self-esteem,  the spiritual journey is experienced as arduous, perplexing, and perhaps even something to avoid. Don't let that stop you.

We should note the connection between virtue/morality and energy/self-esteem calibrates at 405, the level of morality. Morality is correctly understood to correlate with self-esteem, however, this doesn't account for the high self-esteem of low-calibrating people who may be quite charismatic or have the appearance of "an angel of light." The statement "There is no inherent connection between virtue/morality and energy/self-esteem" calibrates at 590, by my test of it. That's a different level of truth transcendent of the intellect and beyond linear causality.

Let's return to the original premise: your level of consciousness is the payoff of your predominant way of being. The way of being under 100 is aversion to personal fault and instead finding it in others and attacking it, because energy/self-esteem lowers in admitting grief, apathy, guilt or shame. The way of being in the 100s is an attraction to winning, because you gain energy/self-esteem in fear through pride. (The one with the most toilet paper wins!) These can be operational at the same time or situationally, however only one of them will be dominant as level of consciousness.

Over 200 is awareness of spiritual reality, and one is not run *primarily* by the illusions of attractions or aversions. However, attractions or aversions persist through the spiritual journey and are the cause of suffering until all have been surrendered or processed out. I do not consider Love to be an attraction because it is not an illusion. Categorically, anything over 200 is not an illusion, because it is true. Levels over 200 could be understood as states of purification from attractions and aversions. Thus Love is a substantially pure (or holy) state.

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