self-esteem/energy during spiritual purification

What to do when dissolving the ego also dissolves your energy and self-esteem.

To get to 540 is spiritual purification. And that is accomplished when you have surrendered what constitutes a "win" to God. Prior to 540, the ego defines what a win is, and the ego boosts energy in order to achieve it. More energy always wins, and the ego is totally into that. Here's a key takeaway: God's win is also your win, so you can let the ego wins go.

During the process of purification, one's energy may go down to around 200 (or less) and stay there. Part of this is due to the ego not boosting energy as much, or at all, but another part is that we are still subject to ego energy suppression, which I will address later in the article. Consequently, we may feel weak and not up to being in this world. It can feel like spiritual torture not having enough energy.

In all honestly, without enough energy, we may miss the boosted energy ego times a little, because those were fun memories. High 300s anyone? That boosted energy had us in the level of recreation and "happy" (395, TvF). Life was play, a game. Plus, we weren't being afflicted by lower astrals (that we knew of)!

But, as Jesus said, "No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God," therefore we stick with our decision to advance spiritually, even though we are not, paradoxically, experiencing the expected happiness. The spiritual path I took to relinquish the ego evidently has this not-happy hazard. I think it is not uncommon among those who elect to dissolve the ego rather than simply purify it.

In summary, it is possible to reach 540 in intention and/or capability but not have a lot of self-esteem/energy to power those devotions. Maybe we do "become the prayer," yet our spiritual effect in the world will only be as significant as our energy, because it is an amount. To serve God, it is necessary to have energy. In fact, to bless the world (in the full sense of the meaning), one's energy needs to be around 500.

What is ego energy suppression?

It is the opposite of ego energy boosting. Instead of having more total energy, you have less, which is how to be a victim in this world, because, see above, more energy always wins. As odd as it sounds, being a victim is a win for the spiritual ego as it "confirms" this world a hell, or at least an endurance test, with heaven to come after. Consequently, the spiritual ego heaps shame, guilt, apathy and grief on the body and the "things of this world." These are energy suppressive frequencies, (while fear, desire, anger and pride are energy boosting frequencies).

Evidently, we can get to 540 without having to undo the aversion to suppressive frequencies. With devotions high, we simply "avoid that which is under 200." To reclaim our energy, however, we have to go beneath fear and process out the aversions to the under-100 patterns. Our make-wrong judgement of the under-100 patterns has the karmic consequence of blocking experiential self-esteem/energy in the body.

A reconciliation with the most primitive ways of being, it seems to me, is the part of the journey to enlightenment that only about one in a billion complete. Therefore, though four-tenths of a percent of mankind gets to 540, according to Doc, only a handful get to 600. That speaks poignantly as to the difficulty of it. But it is what we chose! We can understand we are on the journey to 600 if our energy remains to be reclaimed even after reaching 540 in intention, context and meaning.

In the past, I have provided some clues as to how one processes out aversions to the under-100 patterns. Positive intention is the key, because it is the karma. With the positive intention of processing out aversions, I have gone safely into under-100 patterns, sometimes with the help of low-calibrating music acting as a weight to take me to the depths, not unlike the diver in The Big Blue. If you try this, find a song that despite being low in pattern has a positive intention.

As an example, the music of Shinedown calibrates under 100. Thematically, their catalog is about grief, yet for some songs there is positive intention. "I'm not against what's right / I'm not for what's wrong / I'm just makin' my way / and I'm gone." Musically, this song starts with a primal scream and pounds heavily throughout, abetting its low calibration, but the lyrics in this case express positive intention. It very much helps to be able to calibrate a song's intention, as you do not want to be involved with music that is negative by intention.

Undoing ego energy suppression is like going into "the valley of the shadow of death," because the patterns emerged in darkness far from the light of consciousness. As it can be harrowing to process out our programmed aversions to the shadows of ignorance, it does not hurt to ask for the Lord's help. This "diving" goes beyond spiritual purification and crosses the territory from 540 to 600. If reclaiming your energy from the spiritual ego's suppression is necessary, then I expect this is your last incarnation.

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