in Apathy? an unexpected option

I get depressed while I sleep. Energy goes out of me. The world becomes onerous, dark and heavy. There is neither purpose nor motivation. Sometimes I can muster a thought, "God help me," but God seems far away and conceptual rather than actual. I can't find power or resolve to climb out of the metaphorical bucket of crabs, but I can remember life is better outside the bucket.

By calibration, this is a context of 50 on the map of consciousness. It is an average night of slumber for me. Sometimes the calibration is 15 or lower. However, this is not a complaint, nor am I looking for pity or to impress as by the suffering of a "martyr." Rather, I'm setting up to tell you a solution. Then if you find yourself in a similar situation, you will have an option of which you may not otherwise be aware.

How does the descent into a powerless reality happen? The short answer is negative people and lower astrals, which I will call "oni" for brevity. The negative reality asserted by their auras and carrier waves becomes our negative reality by unchecked exposure. In this way, life is like a bucket of crabs.

In other words, it's not totally our fault that we feel crappy, though we still have a responsibility to choose a positive reality, that is, until we surrender the choice to God—a 585-level surrender, by my test of it.

Oni, it seems to me, are particularly problematic because they don't sleep, yet we are without the deterrent of realistic awareness when we sleep. Bad dreams, fitful or restless sleep, or dark nights of the soul may be the result of oni. If you don't have oni where you sleep, and their carrier wave does not come to you on the sounds of passing traffic or slamming doors, then perhaps you sleep well.

At any given time, there are six oni in the house where I stay. The oni live with the guests who come and go and with the AirBnb hosts. The oni seem to go after different chakras, so I could be deprived of energy at six out of seven chakras. They leave the root chakra alone, which might be something to research. I surmise they're not allowed to drain the physical body to death, or mankind would have been extinct eons ago.

I realize this sounds like hell. Well, purgatory, anyway. It comes with the territory of human life that your energy will be taken from you from time to time, probably when you lack awareness, including when you sleep, not unlike the human "batteries" in The Matrix. (The movie is too literal and hopeless to be a perfect metaphor). But it's hell if you can't make the necessary corrections to quickly restore your energy and the reality in which you thrive.

To be honest, yesterday I couldn't fully recover from six chakras down. Consequently, I couldn't do anything meaningful, from calibrations to writing to going shopping for food. "Could not" or "would not," you ask? Doc suggests a "gun to the head" visualization to discern between them. In the subjective reality of apathy, however, we may very well say, "pull the trigger if you will, I'll be free," comparable to laying down your oars on a slave ship.

While imagining a gun to the head can be motivating, there is also the choice to not be compelled by desiring life and its rowing-ness. Apathy is like being suspended between death and desire, not alive enough to be invigorated by wanting and not dead enough to detach from the oars.

Going up the map of consciousness is the usual way out of apathy, but nonresistance to death is another way. Keeping ourselves alive, I've heard, is actually beyond our abilities, though we accept the false responsibility and suffer in the process (cal. 585). Nota bene: suicide is not part of this discussion.

The days of slave ships are long gone, but the spiritual equivalent continues unabated. Oni are the timeless slave drivers who outside of our awareness attach spiritual chains and claim our energy as if it is their own. Our instinct is to fight it, but at the level of apathy there is no fight, and so we listlessly row and row, neither dead nor alive, waiting for it to be over, "enduring to the end." It is a good arrangement for the oni but not for the humans.

Everyone is asserting a reality, and oni, too. (ACIM calls it teaching). At present, mankind asserts a reality of 192. Where I live, the daily reality asserted is 135, and the nightly reality is asserted at 50. (The numbers change as the guests change). Thus we live with the constant assertion of a false reality not of our own making, and this has real world consequences for our energy and experience.

If you feel depressed, inadequate, afraid, alienated, or you have to force yourself to be energetic, among other weak scenarios, I think it is likely you are in the entrainment of a false reality. Our suffering may have much to do with our local spiritual conditions. Much, but not entirely, because you are still able to choose your reality, even if the choice seems obscure.

The fact that you're not actively choosing a positive reality may be the main issue, after the fact that you're in a negative situation. If you are passive about reality, you assimilate to the reality of others.

Until 585, the solution to the negative reality asserted broadly by mankind and specifically by negative people and oni in your life is to assert a positive reality. We do this by how we hold others in mind, including oni. We see their errors but we hold them blameless. We see them as the Son of God, which means they can be forgiven anything. We treat everyone as if they are Dr. Hawkins, for example, and this posture, by our auras and our carrier waves, shifts the potentiality and actuality of life positively.

At 585, the level of satori, there is another option that can be exercised in the subjective reality of apathy, and that is to lay down your oars whereby you surrender to God what will happen next. Will you be whipped to death by the slave drivers? Will the oni drain you of all life? Unlikely, but that is allowed as an acceptable outcome. Death would be an end of suffering resistance to apathy asserted as a reality, but the 585 realization is even more significant.

Whether one lives or dies, the suffering and false burden of keeping yourself alive is over at 585, according to my understanding. One approaches timelessness as future plans are surrendered to God. "The end" is no longer resisted, so it can no longer be used against you. "Enduring to the end" thus becomes meaningless. The fight to live, and all the stress that comes with it, is over when it is recognized as God's responsibility, not yours.